Fear, Anxiety, Depression, and all the other emotions we never share

This may sound trite or that I am speaking ambiguously, but let me assure you that there are some very real things I have learned this summer.  And I am not writing this so that someone will say "oh, Mindy, are you okay?", but so that, one, I have some explanation for the serious blog lapse and two, because everyone goes through these emotions at some point in their life.  Everyone struggles, everyone has trials and setbacks, and yet, we never seem to talk about them.  So here's what I've come to realize:

*Fear is real. I always thought, "we all have fears - just deal with it".  But I'm not talking about being afraid of not doing well on a test or afraid the stain won't come out of the new shirt - I'm talking about pulse-racing, throat-closing, paralyzing fear. I walked out of the gas station the other day and there was a BIG dog in the back of a truck staring at us intently. It was very close and it made me quite uneasy, and the thought crossed my mind, "oh, what if that was a monkey". You're probably laughing, but immediately my heart was racing and I had this horrible anxiety over getting my kids in the car as quickly as possible. Crazy. I know. But again, I will never judge someone for having a fear of anything, no matter how simple or insignificant it may seem to me. (Confused? See this post.)

*On a more serious note, I learned that there is a difference between being depressed and depression, but it is a very fine line.  And either way, it is more debilitating than I ever understood.  Sometimes there is a clear and definable explanation for it and sometimes there isn't, and even when there is, there may be no way to solve it.

*It is actually good to talk about your struggles with someone.  And as sad as it may sound, it feels good and comforting to know that they struggle too.  Sometimes with the same things, sometimes different, but it is good to see your friends and loved ones behind the facade.

*I have an amazing support system.  There are so many people that care about me and my husband and my children.  I am so blessed.  I read a quote recently on a friend's blog and it is so fitting  . . . "Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it." -Henri Nouwen.  I am so grateful for the friends (and family) that have been willing to go there with me and that understood the true compassion I really needed.

*I will never again judge another mother for not doing this or that, for letting her children run wild outside, for not paying attention to them at the park - because I may have no idea what she is going through.  It may be all she can do to fulfill their basic needs and keep it together, when the rest of her world is falling apart.  In fact, I think I will think twice before judging anyone.  We can be having regular everyday conversations with people and have no idea what is going on in their world, that they may be going through the biggest trial of their lives.  You never know what's going on in the "background".

*For all the times in my life that I have complained about my parents, they must have done something right.  I know where to turn in times of trial.  I know where to find peace.  I know in the depth of my being that Jesus Christ is THE way to survive things we never thought we could.  I know I can pray and receive answers.  I have always known, but that must have come from somewhere.  Thanks Mom & Dad.

*I can do hard things.  I am stronger than I sometimes think I am, but it is okay not to be a beacon of strength all the time.  It's okay to show my weaknesses, my doubts, my fears.  Sometimes, that is what helps us get through hard things - understanding that we have these frailties, but can rise above and become even better than we were, more courageous, more understanding, more sympathetic to others.  Growing from our trials is what this mortal life is all about. 

*Lastly, I know that Jesus Christ bled in Gethsemane not just for the sins of the world, but for all the pain, sorrow, heartache, agony of spirit that we might ever feel.  He walked the path of my life and felt my specific pains so that He would know how to lift me out, so that He could have perfect empathy.  I know that despite trials, despite hurt and heartache, that I have been deeply blessed in recent months.  I have come to a greater understanding and appreciation for the atonement.  I now know much more intimately what it means to call him my Savior.  I honestly don't know how people survive the unexpected challenges of life without this knowledge.

And now that I have gotten all this (whatever this is) out in the open, hopefully I can rejoin the blogging world for I truly do enjoy writing and sharing, and despite certain challenges, we have had an amazingly fun summer!  So be prepared for the onslaught of a plethora of posts about India, Bear Lake, Idaho, parades, swimming, camping, biking, fishing, boating, etc, etc, etc.