Fear, Anxiety, Depression, and all the other emotions we never share

This may sound trite or that I am speaking ambiguously, but let me assure you that there are some very real things I have learned this summer.  And I am not writing this so that someone will say "oh, Mindy, are you okay?", but so that, one, I have some explanation for the serious blog lapse and two, because everyone goes through these emotions at some point in their life.  Everyone struggles, everyone has trials and setbacks, and yet, we never seem to talk about them.  So here's what I've come to realize:

*Fear is real. I always thought, "we all have fears - just deal with it".  But I'm not talking about being afraid of not doing well on a test or afraid the stain won't come out of the new shirt - I'm talking about pulse-racing, throat-closing, paralyzing fear. I walked out of the gas station the other day and there was a BIG dog in the back of a truck staring at us intently. It was very close and it made me quite uneasy, and the thought crossed my mind, "oh, what if that was a monkey". You're probably laughing, but immediately my heart was racing and I had this horrible anxiety over getting my kids in the car as quickly as possible. Crazy. I know. But again, I will never judge someone for having a fear of anything, no matter how simple or insignificant it may seem to me. (Confused? See this post.)

*On a more serious note, I learned that there is a difference between being depressed and depression, but it is a very fine line.  And either way, it is more debilitating than I ever understood.  Sometimes there is a clear and definable explanation for it and sometimes there isn't, and even when there is, there may be no way to solve it.

*It is actually good to talk about your struggles with someone.  And as sad as it may sound, it feels good and comforting to know that they struggle too.  Sometimes with the same things, sometimes different, but it is good to see your friends and loved ones behind the facade.

*I have an amazing support system.  There are so many people that care about me and my husband and my children.  I am so blessed.  I read a quote recently on a friend's blog and it is so fitting  . . . "Let us not underestimate how hard it is to be compassionate. Compassion is hard because it requires the inner disposition to go with others to place where they are weak, vulnerable, lonely, and broken. But this is not our spontaneous response to suffering. What we desire most is to do away with suffering by fleeing from it or finding a quick cure for it." -Henri Nouwen.  I am so grateful for the friends (and family) that have been willing to go there with me and that understood the true compassion I really needed.

*I will never again judge another mother for not doing this or that, for letting her children run wild outside, for not paying attention to them at the park - because I may have no idea what she is going through.  It may be all she can do to fulfill their basic needs and keep it together, when the rest of her world is falling apart.  In fact, I think I will think twice before judging anyone.  We can be having regular everyday conversations with people and have no idea what is going on in their world, that they may be going through the biggest trial of their lives.  You never know what's going on in the "background".

*For all the times in my life that I have complained about my parents, they must have done something right.  I know where to turn in times of trial.  I know where to find peace.  I know in the depth of my being that Jesus Christ is THE way to survive things we never thought we could.  I know I can pray and receive answers.  I have always known, but that must have come from somewhere.  Thanks Mom & Dad.

*I can do hard things.  I am stronger than I sometimes think I am, but it is okay not to be a beacon of strength all the time.  It's okay to show my weaknesses, my doubts, my fears.  Sometimes, that is what helps us get through hard things - understanding that we have these frailties, but can rise above and become even better than we were, more courageous, more understanding, more sympathetic to others.  Growing from our trials is what this mortal life is all about. 

*Lastly, I know that Jesus Christ bled in Gethsemane not just for the sins of the world, but for all the pain, sorrow, heartache, agony of spirit that we might ever feel.  He walked the path of my life and felt my specific pains so that He would know how to lift me out, so that He could have perfect empathy.  I know that despite trials, despite hurt and heartache, that I have been deeply blessed in recent months.  I have come to a greater understanding and appreciation for the atonement.  I now know much more intimately what it means to call him my Savior.  I honestly don't know how people survive the unexpected challenges of life without this knowledge.

And now that I have gotten all this (whatever this is) out in the open, hopefully I can rejoin the blogging world for I truly do enjoy writing and sharing, and despite certain challenges, we have had an amazingly fun summer!  So be prepared for the onslaught of a plethora of posts about India, Bear Lake, Idaho, parades, swimming, camping, biking, fishing, boating, etc, etc, etc.

A proud day for mom

You try to teach your children how to be good, how to be nice and how to make good choices.  And even at a young age, you wonder if any of it is sinking in.  But, for now, I am happy that my eight year old has made one important decision that I can be very proud of (although, with Corbin, I have little doubt that he will almost always make good choices). 
Corbin was recently baptized a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints and has taken upon himself the name of Jesus Christ.  He will now be held accountable for all of his choices.  I hope I have taught him well.  :)

Corbin is genuinely kind-hearted and has the sweetest spirit.  He is obedient, is always giving compliments to his mom, and tries to help his brothers.  He understands things far beyond his age and is an eager learner of things temporal and spiritual.  We are so blessed to have him in our home!  Corbin was anxious and excited for his baptism and so happy to have his dad perform this ordinance and share this day with him.

And so many people were there to support him! 

I know he felt very loved.

Best primary teacher ever:

Best Buds:

Awesomest Bishop (who has helped us in so many ways):

And family from near and far:

 Corbin is so blessed to have so many great priesthood holders as examples to follow!

We are so proud of you, Corbin!  We love you!

To find out more about what we believe about baptism, go here (and make sure you click the "view more"), or about Jesus Christ, click here.



12th Day of Thanks&Giving - The Gospel of Jesus Christ

Ok, so I very rarely post about religion, and although the other Thanks&Giving days may not be in any particular order, but this one may possibly be the one that I am MOST grateful for. First of all, if by some strange chance, someone is reading this and does not know my religious affiliation (because you obviously do not know me) or if you are just curious, you can click here to find out what we believe. Because now is not the time for me to tell you all of what I believe or what guides my life, but WHY I am grateful for the restored gospel of Jesus Christ.

I am grateful to know that

• if I lose a loved one, I will see them again and we will be together.
• when I pray, my Father in Heaven listens and answers me.
• my husband I are married and sealed together for eternity, not just this life.
• I have support in teaching my children values and principles that will help them lead a happy and productive life.
• I can have comfort and guidance in making it through life's trials.
• there is a purpose to this life.
• we have modern-day prophets to give us guidance and help answer life's tough questions.
• God will not ask me to do anything that is beyond my capabilities.
• because of Christ's sacrifice, I can be forgiven and know that the Lord does not expect me to be perfect. Because of His atonement, the areas where I am weak or lacking, he steps in and takes over.

I am grateful to have the Lord's hand in my life. I am grateful for church community and the acceptance that I feel amongst it's members. I am grateful to have experienced this unity in all parts of the world and to see people from all cultures and all walks of life believing and striving for the same thing. I am grateful that there are people who have given up years of their life to share this message and help others be converted unto Christ.

No stories, or links, or pictures to share today. I just hope that tomorrow we will all take the time to REALLY think about what we are MOST grateful for and Who we have to thank for all of those blessings.

Count Your Many Blessings

I love this story of gratitude that President Eyring shared once in a talk:

When our children were very small, I started to write down a few things about what happened every day. Let me tell you how that got started. I came home late from a Church assignment. It was after dark. My father-in-law, who lived near us, surprised me as I walked toward the front door of my house. He was carrying a load of pipes over his shoulder, walking very fast and dressed in his work clothes. I knew that he had been building a system to pump water from a stream below us up to our property.

He smiled, spoke softly, and then rushed past me into the darkness to go on with his work. I took a few steps toward the house, thinking of what he was doing for us, and just as I got to the door, I heard in my mind (not in my own voice) these words: "I'm not giving you these experiences for yourself. Write them down."

I went inside. I didn't go to bed. Although I was tired, I took out some paper and began to write. And as I did, I understood the message I had heard in my mind. I was supposed to record for my children to read, someday in the future, how I had seen the hand of God blessing our family. Grandpa didn't have to do what he was doing for us. He could have had someone else do it or not have done it at all. But he was serving us, his family, in the way covenant disciples of Jesus Christ always do. I knew that was true. And so I wrote it down, so that my children could have the memory someday when they would need it.

I wrote down a few lines every day for years. I never missed a day no matter how tired I was or how early I would have to start the next day. Before I would write, I would ponder this question: "Have I seen the hand of God reaching out to touch us or our children or our family today?" As I kept at it, something began to happen. As I would cast my mind over the day, I would see evidence of what God had done for one of us that I had not recognized in the busy moments of the day. As that happened, and it happened often, I realized that trying to remember had allowed God to show me what He had done.

More than gratitude began to grow in my heart. Testimony grew. I became ever more certain that our Heavenly Father hears and answers prayers. I felt more gratitude for the softening and refining that come because of the Atonement of the Savior Jesus Christ. And I grew more confident that the Holy Ghost can bring all things to our remembrance - even things we did not notice or pay attention to when they happened.

The years have gone by. My boys are grown men. And now and then one of them will surprise me by saying, "Dad, I was reading in my copy of the journal about when . . . " and then he will tell me about how reading of what happened long ago helped him notice something God had done in his day.

My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God's kindness. It will build our testimonies. You may not keep a journal. You may not share whatever record you keep with those you love and serve. But you and they will be blessed as you remember what the Lord has done. You remember that song we sometimes sing: "Count your many blessings; name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord has done."